you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
