I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
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