was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
