I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize