My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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