i just had sex bonerless
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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