Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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