Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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