he wants to bone in the snuggie
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize