We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
