you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
