He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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