so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
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