Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
This house was built for laser tag.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize