mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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