what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
