I'll bet she douches with gravy.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
