Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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