I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i think i have two assholes
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
