first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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