he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
