He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
