Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He passed out mid-signature
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
