Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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