Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
