I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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