Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
