Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
