they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
