I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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