Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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