listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
