So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
40s are totally the cure
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Randomize
