I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
