porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
