I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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