It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
