On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize