It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
