some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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