That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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