Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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