I'm eating all of the evidence.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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