I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
