8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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