sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
