do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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