did you get engaged???
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
