this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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