I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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