she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
