Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
