You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
