it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
accomplished twins. life is a go
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
