i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
