We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
