I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Green mimosas i think yes
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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