Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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