i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
