I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
