Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
This house was built for laser tag.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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