How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Randomize
