Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Randomize
