Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
