Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
