so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
