I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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