come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
