Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
