Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
