Having a random hookup so left but love u
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
