I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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