you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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