Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
