jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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