Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
