Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
