His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
