If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
