Your mouth is God's brothel.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
