he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
