..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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