Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
