Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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