So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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