my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
