I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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