We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
why is half of my head shaved?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
