Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
