Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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