If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
