Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
