Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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