i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize