the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
