Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
