"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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