After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize