Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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