were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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