I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize