also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
