party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
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