did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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