Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
