I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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