I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
