Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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